Maximizing vs. Satisficing? How happy are you with your decisions?

"Choose well, your choice is brief, yet endless." ~ Goethe

• Do you channel surf when you watch TV, even while attempting to watch one program?
• When you are in the car listening to the radio, do you often check other stations to see if something better is playing even if you’re relatively satisfied with what you’re listening to?
• No matter how satisfied with you are with your job, do you think it is only right for you to be on the lookout for better opportunities?
• Do you find that writing – even just a letter to a friend – is difficult because it’s so hard to word things just right?
• Do you find renting videos, or shopping for clothes or gifts difficult because you’re always struggling to pick the best one?
• Whenever you’re faced with a choice, do you try to imagine what all the other possibilities are, even ones that aren’t possible at the moment?

Well, if you said yes to most of the above questions you’re probably a “maximizer” - that is, you have goal orientation that is driven by the question “Is this the best?”. But if you think more in terms of “Is this alternative acceptable?” you are more of a “satisficer”.

Of course, like for any other psychological categorization, these represent general tendencies and could show variation depending on factors such as the type of decision (eg., health – related vs. grocery shopping) and the time available to make a decision.

Maximizing is the better strategy especially for important decisions - maximizers plan more carefully in solving problems, and their high standards may drive them to greater achievement.  However, maximization can come at a significant cost to well-being. If you are a maximizer you probably experience some negative post-decision consequences of being a maximizer.

Research shows that maximization is negatively related to happiness, optimism, self-esteem, and life satisfaction, and positively associated depression, perfectionism, and regret. This means picking the best option does not come with being happy or satified with the decision.

This is a red flag especially when the number of options increase. Most of us enjoy flexibility and having options – we think the more the better, right? Well, research shows: rather not! According to Dr. Barry Schwartz of Swarthmore College, as more options are added three problems arise:

1. It becomes difficult to gather adequate information for all available options.
2. As options expand, people’s standards for what is an acceptable outcome rise.
3. People may come to believe that any unacceptable result is their fault, because with so many options, they should be able to find a satisfactory one.

But these problems do not trouble everyone equally. Maximizers tend to “suffer” more compared to satisficiers. Think about a purchasing decision.  If there were only two software programs it would be relatively easier to pick one, but let’s say the IT manager is trying to decide among five products. Let's look at two scenarios:

A “satisficer” manager would be content with using “good enough” information as basis for making a choice. Based on this information, her goal would be to pick the one which is “acceptable” for the needs of the company. Post-decision she wouldn’t keep on questioning her decision thinking “Have I collected all information?” or “Is this really the best software for the company, or could one of the others have been better?”

A maximizer, on the other hand would try to make sure he has a lot of information about each product – which would probably take longer to gather and evaluate. His decision making will be guided by “Which one is the best?”. After he makes his decision he is likely to seek standards or ratings to compare his decision against. 

The irony is that despite doing their best in weighing the options, maximizers can’t let go once they've made a choice. In a way you could also say that maximizers spend too much time in the deliberative mindset. Rather, they show a susceptibility to regret as indicated by the following statements:

• Whenever I make a choice, I’m curious about what would have happened if I had chosen differently.
• Whenever I make a choice, I try to get information about how the other alternatives turned out.
• If I make a choice and it turns out well, I still feel like something of a failure if I find out that another choice would have turned out better.

Maximizers also have higher expectations from their chosen option and they expect a higher rate of return given the huge investment they’ve made in weighing the alternatives before deciding. This tendency sets them up for frequent disappointment.

So, if you

• have a general tendency to take a lot of time in weighing different options;
• find it difficult to enjoy the choices you’ve made because you can’t stop thinking what would have happened if you had picked the other alternative;
• tend to compare yourself frequently with others – especially those who are better off;
• experience regret often;
• can’t make sense why the boost of happiness you got from making that “best” decision wares off so easily (despite all that effort you’ve put in!)

then, you need to make some changes in the way you make decisions. That is, if you would like to still make good decisions, but be more satisfied and happy with them and experience less regret.

Here's a few things that will help you to make the shift:

• Become aware how much time and energy you’re putting into making different decisions
• Each time you’re faced with a decision (and that includes ordering food in a restaurant!) allocate a certain amount of time for decision making and stick with that.
• Question your goal to pick “the best option” when faced with decisions – ask yourself: Is it really that important and necessary, or is it enough to pick “a good enough /acceptable” option?
• Get others to question you when you are striving to pick the best option.
• As you shift towards making “satisficing” decisions, make a quick post-decision analysis. How long did it take? How good do you feel about the decision? And how satisfying were the results? The aim here is to see you can still make good decisions by being a “satisficer”.  

Again, like any other habit it will take time to change this one but it is likely to have positive outcomes.  That's also why I suggest practicing it even with minor decisions such as ordering food or renting a movie. And you’ll still have the flexibility to take all the time you need when you are faced with important decisions.  Happy deciding!

References:

Schwartz, B. (2000). Self determination: The tyranny of freedom. American Psychologist, 55, 79 – 88.

Schwartz, B., Ward, A., Monterosso, J., Lyubomirsky, S., White, K., & Lehman, D. R. (2002). Maximizing versus satisficing: Happiness is a matter of choice. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 1178-1197.

  

Do you know when to call it quits? (II)

And yes, sometimes the direction is right, but the way of getting there – well, not so much… This is also a tough one since the thought “But I am moving towards my goal/destination/vision” can prevent you from recognizing that there’s something wrong about the way you’re getting there.

One of my clients has been trying to move in the direction of higher level of leadership and responsibility for the past two years. Taking responsibility in leading her team, delegating tasks when necessary, mentoring her direct reports, making decisions related to deadlines, training, vacation, etc… However, along the way she was getting more and more frustrated. Reason? She found herself in a constellation of people (both at the management and the team levels) that made it very tough for her to move in the right direction. Her decisions were not being backed up by her boss threatening her ability to assert herself in her team. She had a few team members who not only failed to deliver quality work, but also had an indifferent attitude when she questioned them about it. But she was determined that she wanted to move to the next level of leadership and hence persisted in doing what she was in her current role. This was the point when we started working together.

At the beginning she was so convinced that she just needed to find a way to get the acceptance from her team and her boss if she was to get where she wanted to. At that point she had also started questioning her confidence and assertiveness. So, the move towards the direction she wanted was far from fulfilling to say the least!

How many people like that do you know who are in a similar position? Who find themselves hitting against a wall and spend most of their energy to demolish or dig through that wall because they are so convinced that, at the end of the day that’s the direction they want to go.

I have no problem with working to get rid of the obstacles on your way to whatever you want. On the contrary, I believe persistence and perseverance are key to success. My questions is: when do you say “Enough!”? What has to happen for you to ask yourself: “Yes, I want to move towards that direction but is it normal that I am so frustrated/ tired/ angry/ burned-out/ over-stretched/ unfulfilled along the way?”

When I started with a new path that I believed would help me move towards my vision and found myself tired, frustrated and unfulfilled along the way, my own coach asked me: “How long will you take it? How will you know it is time to stop? When will you know it’s time to say ‘Basta!’?” Hah, I thought…I rarely set criteria that will help me recognize when to call it quits*… And based on my work with my clients and observations of a lot of professionals around me, I am not an exception.

People rarely specify what needs to happen for them to change course and find another path that would take them in the right direction. Or when they do, generally that is limited to task-specific criteria: I’ll try this tool and if it doesn’t work (read: solve the problem, speed up the process, increase the sales), then I’ll try another one. But how about psychological indicators such as cognitive and emotional burden? Are we also willing to try another “tool” or path to get to there when the going gets tough? 

Well, I am happy to report that my client decided to say “Basta!”. She realized or decided that getting “there” in a fulfilling manner is as important as getting there. When you think about it, it is rarely about only the destination. The way of getting to your destination or in other words the journey or the process is an intricate part of the “right direction” from the very beginning.

And about my unfulfilled, frustrated journey? With the support of my coach I did define how I was to recognize the point where I call it quits. Despite that I must admit I did wait past that point. My learning? Next time calling it earlier to save myself time, resources and energy.

*”Calling quits” sure is a loaded term – and it is often associated with another loaded term “failing”. But as research also shows, knowing when to quit is a indicator of successful coping. It is also something high self-esteem people do more often than low self-esteem people especially when there are alternate ways to reach the goals.

Reference: Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K.D. (2003). Does high self- esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier life-styles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 4(Whole No. 1), 1– 44.

Three fundamental human needs (Part III): Being competent

One of the reasons why many of us are reluctant to try new endeavors is our need to feel competent. Especially if you are used to feeling competent in different domains in your work, relationships or leisurely activities it is uncomfortable to take on something new which will make you feel not so competent.

I am sure many expats can relate feeling incompetent when they find themselves struggling with the easiest tasks in their new environment. Again there are numerous examples in the tales of women told in the Expat.

An American woman who moved to Bangladesh shares her frustration in her search for a blanket. You might think how frustrating can it be to find a blanket?! But if you’re not sure where to shop for one on top of having to sleep in layers of clothing and still feeling cold night after night – it can be frustrating! Or consider another American woman who took a teaching job in Japan struggling to get her students to discuss the readings in class. Of course, I’m not even going to get into the whole language issue again – who feels competent while trying to express oneself with language capabilities worse than a 5 year old’s! The frustration accompanies feeling incompetent in areas that you are used to being competent – shopping, doing your job, expressing yourself…

But as important as the emotional costs, the expectation of feeling incompetent has other equally, if not more, serious consequences as it represents a major obstacle on the way of self-development. Sometimes we pass some potentially life-enriching opportunities because we don’t want to feel incompetent.

Achieving the sense of competence is one of the important developmental criteria starting from our early years in life. Erik Erikson – a prominent developmental psychologist – contended that each stage of life has its own “psychosocial” task, a crisis that needs resolution. In his model of social development he suggests the critical stage between 6 years to puberty to be about competence. According to him toddlers who have tackled the trust, autonomy and initiative issues by that time now strive for competence, feeling able and productive. This forms the foundation of our sense of competence which gets tested over and over again throughout the life span.

As adults we’re also in an on-going journey from incompetence to competence. Realizing and acknowledging that it is a process makes it easier understand the reluctance when it comes to learning a new skill – may it be a new language or a new career. Knowing the stages involved in the process will further help us make a more accurate assessment of the situation.

The Four Stages of Competence Model

Also called the Conscious Competence Learning Model, this model nicely acknowledges that learning is essentially a journey that involves moving from incompetence to competence.

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence ~ I don’t know what I don’t know

This is the stage that could be summarized as the bliss of ignorance. You’re living in your home country and don’t have a clue about the challenges of daily life if you were to move to a new country. And it doesn’t even matter because it’s not relevant at this moment.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence ~ Now I now what I don’t know

This is when you realize that you need your neighbor’s help to buy a blanket or understand your electricity bill. It is also the stage you find yourself when you change your career and become aware of your novice status. A lot of us get overwhelmed at this stage with the daunting task in front of us. The danger of giving up is a real risk especially if you don’t recognize that learning is a process and there are two stages ahead.

This is also the stage when your self-limiting beliefs interfere the most. With the shaky sense of competence it’s easy to start questioning your confidence, abilities, potential and the plausibility of reaching your goal. It is vital that you persist at this stage and that you can rely on that self-control muscle you’ve been exercising. It will require quit a bit of self-control to continue your learning despite feeling incompetent and self-limiting beliefs. But remember, this is only the 2^nd and the most uncomfortable part of the process – it will get better! Having your vision to keep you on track also is vital to move on to the next stage.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence ~ I know what I know

Once you persist in Stage 2, you build of a sense of competence as a result of learning. You are aware of possessing some expertise while still doing conscious thinking when you apply that expertise. Now you know where to shop for blankets among other things and rely much less on your neighbor’s help with day-to-day tasks. Until we gain complete mastery the process looks like a tennis game between stages two and three. You are comfortable in using your newly required skills with enough concentration and focus, however you still run into situations where you find yourself in Stage 2.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence ~ I’m not aware, and I know

This is when your expertise or skill flows naturally. You don’t need to concentrate hard on what to do next – you leave the house without carefully planning every step of your shopping trip! You engage in the necessary actions without much thought. You no longer think the past tense for an irregular verb – you just say it.

A lot of the times the difficulty of learning a new skill, being in a new context, or going through change is due to not realizing or acknowledging that these are processes that take time and follow a pattern. This awareness alleviates the feeling of being stuck – generally at the Conscious Incompetence stage.

Self-reflection into where you are in your learning journey will benefit you in several ways:

• it will give you the control over emotions associated with feeling incompetent – recognize and label the emotion (i.e., “I am feeling frustrated /impatient/upset because…. ) and acknowledge it is normal and part of the process and it will change.
• it will give you chances to celebrate as you move forward in the process. This is something most of us neglect to do – just like you acknowledge emotions do the same for your successes. Don’t be too modest or normalize them – take credit for them!
• you’ll be better in managing the swings you experience between stages two and three. You wouldn’t feel like all your efforts are gone astray just because you run into difficulties.

Finally remember to compassionate towards yourself. Recent research shows self-compassion to be as valuable a resource as self-esteem. Ask yourself how you would react to a friend when she’s experiencing ups and downs in her learning process – you’d champion her when she feels incompetent and you’d cheer when she succeeds, even when she's being modest. You deserve the same treatment for yourself!

The Change We Need?

As Barack Obama is taking office today, the core message in his presidential campaign has kept me thinking: Change…We’ve all heard the saying “The only constant is change”. But have you ever thought about if you really believe that?


In other words: Do you believe people can change; or do you believe people can do things differently, but they cannot change the basic qualities/attributes they have? Social psychologists refer to these beliefs as ‘theories of change’: incremental theory (growth mindset) – a belief that our traits are flexible, and entity theory (fixed mindset)– a belief that our traits are fixed. Most of the time we don’t question or even are aware of our beliefs about change, however these beliefs make a difference in how we lead our lives.


Take a moment now, and remember the last time you said to yourself: “This is the way I am – fill-in-the-blanks: introvert, impulsive, not smart, stubborn…. – and there’s not much I can do about it.”


Why is it important to know which theory of change you have? Because your mind-set influences

1. if you are willing to put effort in change,
2. if you see the potential for improvement,
3. and even, if you feel the responsibility to change.

The fixed mind-set gives a sense of stability – it becomes easier to predict how people will behave - and we like predictability. But it undermines the capacity to change – one feels stuck with what she has and doesn’t see the need to put effort to change. The growth mindset in turn, opens up the possibility to change, together with the responsibility to change.

What are the implications for internationals, expatriates and their families? Here’s a scenario:

You’re about to move to a new country. You believe you are the kind of person who is shy, not curious about other cultures, and not particularly gifted with languages.

First imagine how you would feel about the move if you believe those traits are fixed... Have you felt the anxiety yet? How about if you believe those traits are flexible, and you have a dynamic personality? Doesn’t sound as stressful anymore, or?

One core belief can dramatically impact your motivation, your feelings and your behaviors! Don’t you think it’s worth reflecting on the question: Do you believe in fixed traits or do you think people can change?

(For more on Entity versus Incremental Theories, see the work of Dr. Carol S. Dweck)