Have a ride to the airport for an early flight?

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A few years ago on my way to the airport I was explaining to my friend, who kindly gave me a ride – how getting a ride to the airport was a good indicator of the social support network one had. Indeed, it is one of the items in a social support scale. In the next few entries that's what I will focus on - social network.

Why talk about social support? Need to belong is one of the two fundamental psychological needs humans have – the other one is autonomy. There are numerous studies that show how having a social network predicts overall wellness – physical as well as psychological. Social support acts as a buffer against stress, boosts your immune system, bolsters your self-esteem. People who have strong social ties are less likely to suffer heart attacks; they recover faster from surgeries or strokes; and they are less likely to be overwhelmed by stressors… Believe it or not it even makes you live longer!

Living abroad, I came to appreciate the importance of social support even more. Each time I moved to a new city, without exception, the most important thing that anchored me was the support of my family and friends. My perception of the challenges of relocating is tremendously impacted by the social network I have. First of all I receive emotional support – having people who listen to your worries, fears, and reassure you that all will be Okay is priceless. Then, there is the informational support – advice and suggestions about the many challenges of relocation from renting an apartment to finding a family doctor. And it doesn’t end there! People in a social network also offer tangible assistance - helping with packing, selling or storing things, or giving a ride to the airport!

I experienced the support of my social network first hand again last week, when I launched the SetSail Coaching website. Family and friends from all over the world kindly offered their support with emails, calls, referrals, or by joining to the Facebook group of the company – boosting my motivation and confidence further.

Of course, like with many other things, it is not the quantity but the quality that matters when it comes to social support. According to research three seems to be the critical number here – if you have three people in your life that you can count on, you are pretty much on the safe side.

How about you? How strong is your social support?

• Is there someone who takes pride in your accomplishments?
  
• Do you feel there is someone with whom you can share your worries and fears?
  
• Would you have a hard time finding someone to go with you to a day trip?
  
• Do you meet or talk with your family and friends often?
  
• Do most people you know think highly of you?
  
• And, if you needed an early-morning ride to the airport, is there someone you could comfortably ask?
  

So… Are you satisfied with the supports you have in your life? If your answer is anything less than “Definitely!” well, what are you going to do about it?

The Change We Need?

As Barack Obama is taking office today, the core message in his presidential campaign has kept me thinking: Change…We’ve all heard the saying “The only constant is change”. But have you ever thought about if you really believe that?


In other words: Do you believe people can change; or do you believe people can do things differently, but they cannot change the basic qualities/attributes they have? Social psychologists refer to these beliefs as ‘theories of change’: incremental theory (growth mindset) – a belief that our traits are flexible, and entity theory (fixed mindset)– a belief that our traits are fixed. Most of the time we don’t question or even are aware of our beliefs about change, however these beliefs make a difference in how we lead our lives.


Take a moment now, and remember the last time you said to yourself: “This is the way I am – fill-in-the-blanks: introvert, impulsive, not smart, stubborn…. – and there’s not much I can do about it.”


Why is it important to know which theory of change you have? Because your mind-set influences

1. if you are willing to put effort in change,
2. if you see the potential for improvement,
3. and even, if you feel the responsibility to change.

The fixed mind-set gives a sense of stability – it becomes easier to predict how people will behave - and we like predictability. But it undermines the capacity to change – one feels stuck with what she has and doesn’t see the need to put effort to change. The growth mindset in turn, opens up the possibility to change, together with the responsibility to change.

What are the implications for internationals, expatriates and their families? Here’s a scenario:

You’re about to move to a new country. You believe you are the kind of person who is shy, not curious about other cultures, and not particularly gifted with languages.

First imagine how you would feel about the move if you believe those traits are fixed... Have you felt the anxiety yet? How about if you believe those traits are flexible, and you have a dynamic personality? Doesn’t sound as stressful anymore, or?

One core belief can dramatically impact your motivation, your feelings and your behaviors! Don’t you think it’s worth reflecting on the question: Do you believe in fixed traits or do you think people can change?

(For more on Entity versus Incremental Theories, see the work of Dr. Carol S. Dweck)

Launching the boat...

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Welcome on board! I am really excited about starting something I’ve had in mind for quite some time - that is, to share my experiences and thoughts on being an international, as a social psychologist and a coach. I will also write about tools and resources from social and positive psychology that we can apply to common challenges internationals face.

Living abroad has become a life-style for many people – that means there’s a wealth of resources being used and created all over the world every day! I hope you will become part of our crew by sharing your resources through this blog… Please send me your thoughts, comments, and resources you would like to share.